Polishing the Mirror

Yesterday, I received two profoundly meaningful reflections: one from a longtime friend and another from a former lover. I had been experiencing disconnect with both of them in different ways...

Yesterday, I received two profoundly meaningful reflections: one from a longtime friend and another from a former lover.

I had been experiencing disconnect with both of them in different ways.

With my friend, the issue has been a hard to describe sense of unsafety. It has been something that has felt difficult for me to put into words and I’ve felt reservations about sharing bc I knew it would touch on sensitive material. Over the last two years I have cautiously mentioned it, so there was awareness around it but about a month ago, I shared my experience in a much fuller way.

With my former lover, since transitioning from a romantic relationship to friendship, an adjustment I chose, a sense of agitation has persisted whenever we’ve hung out. I've been questioning our compatibility as friends, and sensed my persistent internal discomfort was showing up for a reason. I had brought this up a few times already but yesterday spoke to it in a more direct way.

Both of these things felt edgy to share because they had the potential to trigger emotional responses

And yet, I leaned in…

Those that know me know that I often act as a mirror, reflecting uncomfortable truths that others may not want to see. This isn't intentional, I am simply being myself and embodying my truth and expressing my perceptions, a trait that has been both a lifelong characteristic and a challenge.

An essential part of my journey has involved learning to allow others to process their reactions to their triggers without absorbing their projections and blame. I've worked on refining how I present my insights elegantly so they are received well, even though sometimes they may still cause discomfort. I am continuously learning how to accept this as I recognize the complexities of being human and relating more and more.

As a deeply sensitive person, I have always had the ability to see the hidden shadows in others. Being able to turn this into a gift that I can offer constructively has been a crucial aspect of my personal development.

And yesterdays interactions were very affirming.

In the morning, my friend acknowledged that my previous reflections from a month ago had been deeply supportive and he expressed his gratitude which felt incredibly meaningful to me because what I reflected to him was not easy.

And later that evening when I saw my former lover, I couldn’t shake the agitation that was present and I knew it was information for what needed to be shared. I spoke to specific patterns I had observed in a very honest yet compassionate way and it moved him to tears. He fully recognized the truths in my words and expressed deep appreciation for my reflections. I thought that we would end up closing the container of our friendship and instead, by me reveling my experience, it brought more connection and closeness.

As I drove home I reflected on these beautiful experiences and how by sharing these difficult truths brought both of these relationships into more connection, which isn’t a new realization but it wasn’t just that.. there was a new tone to these experiences that felt different. The way I expressed my feelings, the way they were received with grace, they way they felt supported and cared for and grateful vs the historic way of people getting triggered or being defense and reactive, it was deeply refreshing.

I felt truly moved by these interactions and my deepest prayer is that we can continue to embrace radical self responsibility and move through our relationships with so much care, connection, love and empathy - even in the moments when there is deep hurt, even when things aren’t easy and especially when we choose to part ways